You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
Is it sad that I woke up to more "Happy Holidays" texts on 4/20 than I did on Christmas?
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I cant miss out on a half day of work without a booty call
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
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