Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
kool aid jammers and 151...our childhood has officially been corrupted.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You know your horny when you have a sex dream about Ace Ventura, if your wondering he's awful
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
