he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Shit, my parents are coming over and I just realized that a grinder is not an acceptable paperweight
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I just ran into mom and dad day drinking at the bar while I skipped class and was day drinking at the same bar.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
