Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
