Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
im not picky. i just want someone whod go down on me while im writing my psych midterm paper. thats not a lot to ask.
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Randomize
