I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
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