Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Let's get matching tattoos, something that resembles our friendship
A tequila worm?
It was just a Craigslist hook up but she wore sweats. Where are the girls with class?
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
