Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
If more people understood that brunch is at 3pm the world would be a better place because you don't have to wake up early. Breakfast food is important
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
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