Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Dude with the Beatles haircut just got his pilots license and wants to take us up to do a case race mid flight. Don't tell me networking is unnecessary.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Now that I'm single, I like to think of myself as in a relationship with Taco Bell.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Making a me burrito to ward off the cold...and the aloneness of my vagina
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
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