I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
i just had sex bonerless
Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
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