You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
i have to start hiding my credit card when i drink i woke up this morning with 4 emails from Farmville telling me i spent over $800 on coins last night
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
