Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Ignoring the crisis im in. Sitting in the front yard in a kiddie pool. Wearing arm floaties, fins and a snorkel. Waiting for a hot guy to walk by.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Randomize
