I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
he just quoted gucci mane to try and get me to give him head.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Girl on the bus just slammed her book shut, turned to me and said "I'm way to fucking high to be studying"
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
I'm just gonna go have sex with whom ever is in the men's room.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
i think we sleep fucked last night...
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
Randomize
