What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
I'm with some lesbians. Somehow I offended them and the Justin Beiber one told me I was fat.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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