i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
yea. Don't mess. He will heal me. But my blowjobs will be historical.
K, im gonna wait to get my dick pierced so we can do it as a family function.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
