i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I'm just trying to absorb as much of the fluids from the carpet as I can.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
