Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
Only you could successfully troll for dick at a Hillel bake sale.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
My apartment stinks of burning failure
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