my vag is so smooth its legendary
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i recognized the place by the puke stain i left on the pool table when i hooked up with his roommate.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
oh yeah I know that guy. he's legit. slept in my closet a few times
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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