Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Randomize
