I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
I was so drunk last night dude. I woke up this morning to my oven being wide open and my pants on the kitchen floor.
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
