I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
College is the ONLY place where you can pass off morning sickness as being hungover. I'm currently pouring beer in a spray bottle so I can spray it on myself and smell drunk.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
Sorry about the flaming shit on your door
I never thought I'd be in my late 20s and send that text
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Randomize
