I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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