So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
I find it very uncomfortable that I need to ask you to stop sending me pictures of your stomach
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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