I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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