Only a mothe r could love this liver
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Randomize
