my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
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