i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
I have already put on my inside pants.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
I just bought two cartons of ice cream, 5 boxes of mac and cheese and a bridal magazine. Don't judge me.
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