i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Just so you know, it is really hard to rehydrate when everything is spiked with everclear.
Randomize
