Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
Like, you've got the smoothest dick in the west. Do you moisturize?
Yes I do
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Randomize
