8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
ASIANS HAVE SEX TOO!! I just watched it happen in the library.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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