Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
she walked in on me snorting my prozac. there was no way to convince her i was doing a good thing.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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