another moral hangover. fuck.
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
All I know is you walked out of the kitchen in some kind of French onion dip bra and started passing out individual chips to guys saying " do you dip?"
You were doing bacon vodka shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce. You're officially fucking disgusting. I love you.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Randomize
