I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You want to complain about your sex life to me? Right now mine consists of trying to masturbate lightly enough not to wake her up with bed shakes. Go. Fuck. Yourself.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
It's not even noon and I've had 3 people call me a savage, one of them said it in reference to the blow job I gave them. So I guess you could say it's going to be a good weekend
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
