craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
