I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
BTW, does Anne know that we used the lipstick she is currently wearing to was used to write the word "ASS" on my ass cheeks last night?
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
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