sorry i walked in and ruined it, but i had to laugh she looked like a pile of bologna the way you had her pinned up on the wall
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
Look, I'm just saying... paying ur respects to the neighbors who had a death in the family with food u steal from the neighbors having the cookout may result in a negative karma situation.
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Randomize