She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
He asked if I was alright. I said "Yeah, I'm just an incapacitated ball of orgasmic bliss right now."
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
