mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Just mADE A PArabola og urine
You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I drunken agreed to go wedding dress shopping with a stranger at the bar yesterday. She sent me an email asking what days I am free.
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
