Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
And have you ever tried to explain a hickey to your own grandmother?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
