She had hickeys... what's up with that?? HAHAHA
nut hugger
This is not my ceiling
im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
Randomize
