i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
I know. I know. The man who pulled me from my mother's womb was the same man who had his fingers in my vagina today. My life is a joke. I don't know how to feel about this.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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