i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
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