barbara walters just said penis...
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
So there is a 50% chance that he just left my house and a 100% chance that I have to be up for work in 2 hours...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
