I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
I think mounting someone proves who's house this is
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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