my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
I want to tell you about my weekend in person so I can see your look of judgement and disgust.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
