My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Someone should walk up to them and say, "We're sorry, you're too hot to be out here with the other humans."
Randomize
