After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Don't let her tell you any different. She licked the balls of my hamster for that $100. It was a group bet. She won.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
Where is the baby squirrel I found last night?! I've looked all morning I can't find Morris anywhere did someone take him?? ðŸ˜ðŸ˜
Honey, I kept trying to tell you it was just a pine cone.
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