Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Im chasing shots of tequila with chocolate milk right now. by myself. its nasty, but I've had worse in tjere the past couple days, so ill take it.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
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