im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You leaned over to me in the elevator and whispered "how long do I have to pretend to be sober?"
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
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