Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
