Hey, kurt drew a penis on you and wrote my innotals. I had nothing to do a/ that.
"I want to just tie you up so you\'ll still be here like this when I get home." Actual words.
cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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