just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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