sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
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