I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
You told us that you don't have to wait in line at Taco Bell. Then, drove up to the window and grabbed someone else's food.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
