he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
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