He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
