i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
now were playing what girl doesnt belong in the picture of girls in bikinis.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Drunk version of me is like a sleeping demon inside of me that awakes to the sound of vodka
Randomize
