I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
We got security called on us. Apparently the wedding down the street didn't appreciate the trespassing or our loud as fuck rendition of We Are Young.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
I swear 2020 just keeps getting worse and worse
Randomize
