No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
Remember...the emancipation proclimation is your favorite document, you love asian women, japanese food is the tits, and you willfully employ as many latinos as possible...
You told me that they girl who was giving you a handjob under the table looked a little like your sister
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
She's not a foreskin expert like you
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
Randomize
