I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
The guy I made out with the other night fed me chipotle favored funions and I thought it was true love when I was drunk.
Tonight I researched being a phone sex operator and teaching English at a French school in Africa. I think my future lacks direction
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
