Regardless thnx for trying to help out, I realize we are dealing w/ very stupid girls here
broke, out of weed, out of gas, out of food, and my gf just left me.
you're writing country songs now?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Just met my future wife. Please dont fuck her.
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
