Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
she looked like the bat from fern gully.
Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Hey I think I found part of your tooth next to your wine bottle in the floor board of my car.
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
