I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
