In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
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