To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
You drank everything last night. It was like this huge deconstructed long island that went on for 5 hours
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
