It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
According to my snapchat story, I tore a fake wig off a security guard and ran away with it.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
