nutella sex= disaster
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
you're not a real person. you're actually just like a box of wine that can talk
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
He dodged my hug and greeted me with a fist bump. I slept with him the night before. The only thing worse would have been a greeting by chest bump.
If kinky sex was an Olympic sport they would be playing the anthem for me as we speak.
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
He is obviously into the really short sex we have.
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
