Yeah...you.wanna.hang.out.tomorrow?My.space.button.is.broken.
I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Well once I told her I had a girlfriend she actually got more aggressive. Then Danielle called me and she saw the pic of the two of us on my phone and immediately said "can my caller I'd pic be me sitting on your face" wtf?
Holy crap, church bells in Cibolo just scared the hell out of me. I'm pretty sure they were yelling sinner at me.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
Can I just fuck someone without it basically becoming an arranged marriage
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
