1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
He woke me up at 6:30 to have sex again and afterwards, he didn't even judge me when I asked him if he wanted some rum. I think I found my soulmate.
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