Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I was tripping balls on the bathroom floor and his dog walked in. The lights in his bathroom have motion sensors, so I thought his labrador retriever was Jesus.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
