can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Using that mug my little cousin painted for me as an ashtray for my weed...at least next time he asks me if I'm using it I can say yes
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
