'in an unhealthy relationship' should def be an fb option
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
This will be the 3rd time you have blacked out and lost your phone only to have some kind stranger find it, charge it, call me, then mail it back to you. Your luck amazes me...
There are eight sets of guys I've made out with who have the same name. It's like noah's ark in my mouth.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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