i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
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