my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Randomize
