By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Due to certain anatomical proportions it was less like fucking and more like childbirth.
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Randomize
