Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Your Vodka Saturday privileges have been reduced to Beer until you go a full month without losing an article of clothing.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Vulcans are sexy now IT HAS BEEN WAY TOO LONG SINCE I'VE GOTTEN LAID
Randomize
