Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Randomize
