If I remember correctly, I may have been smoking a cigarette on the dance floor. This is the true sign of a douchebag in his native habitat...fmylife
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Purse pizza: the pizza you buy before the club, and you eat on the train home. I thought you knew me by now!
Id have to say flaming beer pong was a royal success.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
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