We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
Words of Wisdom: ordering a pitcher of whiskey cokes, putting a straw in it, and calling it your drink is not socially acceptable
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Did you ask last night's taxi driver about his penis hygiene?
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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