I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Dressing as mugato from zoolander Halloween you may want to be the hand model. We can get you a fish bowl filled with Clementine Vodka and soda you can put your hand in.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize