then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
I'm scared. I feel like she's my mom and she just walked in on me having sex. Like she's "disappointed"
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
If I remember correctly I tried to steal a mail truck last night
This is my life. Enjoy the view
And then he said, "let's have sex and I'll send you home with enchiladas."
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Randomize
