69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
