Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
It's a Saturday night and I am in bed with two cats, a bottle of Riesling, and I'm masturbating to Iron Man. I'm great at being 21.
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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