Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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