Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
